World's Funniest Golf Joke

This is a joke that, a few years ago, was voted 'world's funniest joke' via a year-long online survey. I've modified it so that it is now a golf joke. Hope you like it.


A couple of golfers are out on the fairway when one of them suddenly falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back up in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator: "I think my friend is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's a silence, then over the phone the operator hears "THWUMP".

The guy comes back on the line and says: "OK, now what?"



Congratulations to the USA for their convincing win in the President's Cup. I have to question Tiger's loss to Mike Weir though. The USA had already won the Cup as Tiger was finishing up his match, so the result was virtually meaningless...except to Weir and the thousands of Canadian fans in attendance that is. With Tiger's strong sense of history and recent dominance, coupled with the huge boost to Weir's legacy should he (Weir) win, it's not beyond the realm of possibility to think that Tiger packed in his 'A' game. Just a thought.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Spent most of the day configuring my golf joke blog and now I'm adding a picture so that I can add it to my profile. That's almost the sole reason for this particular post.

Don't laugh...I'm obviously no shutterbug.

How 'bout a joke, then you can laugh and you won't have to admit what you are really laughing at.





Bad Day at the Golf Course

Mike and Bob had just finished the first nine and it was obvious that Mike was having a bad day.

"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today, what's the matter?" asked Bob.

Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Mable's dead."

"That's terrible," said Bob, "You think your wife is dead, aren't you sure?"

"Well," responded Mike, "the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."


Ok, just one more quick one -


Q: What is the hardest thing about playing golf with your wife?
A: Having to say, "Great shot, Honey!" 142 times


Have a good one!

Just a quick note for the people over a technorati to help my blog traffic.
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Rules for Bedroom Golf

These rules exist in many forms as a Google search would reveal. This simply is my revised version and one of my favorite golf jokes.

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls, (utility clubs may be used at the owners request).
2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole prior to play. (However, it is the players responsibility to ensure the course is properly moistened as dry conditions. by definition. deem the course unplayable.)
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
5. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
6. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
7. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. (Experienced players will generally take time to leisurely tour the entire course, paying special attention to the well-formed mounds and subtle textures of the course.)
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. (Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.)
10. Players are encouraged to utilize proper rain gear, failure to do so may result in stoppage of play.
11. Players should not assume that the course is playable at all times. (Advanced players often find alternative means of play when this is the case.)
12. Players should ensure their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course. (Some courses allow for multiple players simultaneously, but this is extremely rare.)
13. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole. (Failure to do so also increases the difficulty of play.)
14. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
15. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request. (Speed Golf is prohibited on nearly all courses, the exceptions being those that charge green fees.)
16. Course owners may request that the hole be replayed until the round has met with the owners satisfaction.
17. At the conclusion of play, players are generally required to remain in the vicinity of the course and admire its many facets. (Failing to do so may result in prolonged course closure.)

Hope you liked it!

Golf Joke-A-Day

I'm just starting this blog, as you can see, and in the coming weeks and months I'll be researching and collecting jokes, stories and quotes from golfers, celebrities, and others to share with you. I'll post at least a golf joke per day and try to expand on that as I go along. So, here we go:

The Golf Injury

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome tees-off and watches in horror as the ball heads directly toward a foursome of men playing in the adjacent fairway. And sure as steel is drawn to a magnet, the ball hits one of the men who immediately clasps his hands together at his crotch, falls to the ground and proceeds to moan in agony.

The women rush down to the man and immediately began to apologize profusely. Beside herself with guilt, the woman who struck the ball then explains that she is a physical therapist and offers to help ease his "pain".

"Please allow me to help, I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!", she pleads.

"Ummph...uh...um...no thanks...I...um...I'll be alright...j...just give me a minute", he squeaks as he remains curled up in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

The woman, not to be put off, then takes it upon herself to begin to ease his "pain"and slowly begins to massage his groin.

After a few moments she asks, "Does that feel any better?"

The man looks up at her and replies, "That feels pretty good...but um...
my thumb still hurts like hell!"

Introduction

Hi! My name is Steve Evans and I am an avid golfer that tries not to take golf, or life in general, too seriously.

I have found that my best rounds of golf have come when I am having fun and joking around on the golf course. To that end, I have decided to collect and publish golf jokes for you to share with your golf buddies while out on the links (best to share these at critical moments of the round, such as right before their 6 foot putt for birdie!)

Also, I will be sharing golf tips, drills, techniques and stories from the world of golf that I have found useful and/or interesting.

My favorite Robin Williams' routine talking about the origin of golf seems an appropriate choice for my first entry. Please enjoy!
(Note: If you are offended by 'colorful' language, please do not click the play button, but it is really hilarious.)